In My Dreams
by Peggy Schultz
Summary: B'Elanna's reaction to the events before, during, and after the episode Investigations.


Disclaimer: The Star Trek Voyager characters, and the Star Trek universe that I borrow them from belong to Paramount/Viacom. The story belongs to me. You can link to my story if you want, just let me know first.  
  
Title: In My Dreams  
  
Pairing: P, T  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: B'Elanna's reaction to the events before, during, and after the episode "Investigations".  
  
Author: Peggy Schultz  
  
Date: 02-13-2002  
  
Email: [1]thejourneyhome@msn.com  
  
Website: [2]http://www.geocities.com/pt_stv/index.html  
  
In My Dreams  
  
" . . .I had another dream about him. I can't believe that I keep having erotic dreams about Tom Paris, of all the men aboard the ship. We were slowly starting to become friends, with Harry's help, but I never consciously thought of him in that way. And lately he has been acting like a jerk. Last week he was late for his shift again, and Chakotay replaced him. I don't know exactly what had happened but I know that he pushed Chakotay, and then spent the night in the brig. I just don't understand him, he was finally gaining everyone's respect, even Chakotay's, and now he is just throwing it all away.  
  
"A couple of weeks ago, Chakotay had come to me, after noticing a difference in Tom's behavior and attitude. Chakotay asked me if I knew of anything that was bothering Tom. I think Chakotay was worried, but I know he would never admit it, and I know that Tom would never accept his help. I tried to talk to Tom about it, but like usual, he avoided the question, and didn't really answer me. Although he did admit that, he had `been wrong about a lot of things.' I was not sure what he had meant, I hoped that he had realized how he had been acting, and would stop. Obviously, I was wrong. I really don't care if he wants to destroy his life, but I'm worried about Harry. Harry looks up to him, I am afraid that he's going to drag Harry down with him. I'll have to talk to Harry about it tomorrow. Computer, end log," B'Elanna said, and sat down on the edge of the bed in her quarters. With a sigh, she swung her legs onto the bed, pulled the covers up to her waist, and then said  
"computer, lights off."  
  
*** * *** * *** * ***  
  
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres yawned as she left her quarters on deck nine. She was on her way to the messhall to get a quick bite to eat, before going to Engineering. She had not been able to sleep too well the night before; she had another dream about Tom Paris, and it had irritated her. She was still very angry with him because of how he had treated Chakotay, and Harry was still trying to make excuses for Tom's behavior. Yesterday at dinner Harry had told her, that he thinks that something is bothering Tom, and that is why he is acting the way he is. B'Elanna shook her head, and tried to push all thoughts of the pilot out of her head. She was running late and did not want to think about Paris.  
  
As the turbolift doors opened, B'Elanna clenched her hands into fists at her sides, after seeing that Tom was in the turbolift. Taking a deep breath, she stepped into the turbolift, and tried to stand as far away from him as she could. "Deck two," she said.  
  
"B'Elanna," Tom said, "I'm-"  
  
"Lieutenant," she cut him off, "I'm running late today, so if you don't mind, I do not want to talk right now."  
  
"Do you have a problem, Lieutenant?" Tom asked.  
  
"Why couldn't he just keep his mouth shut?" B'Elanna thought. "Computer, halt turbolift," she said as she turned to look at the pilot standing beside her. "Yes, I do Paris. I thought that you had changed and that you really were not who I originally thought you were. Looks like our first impressions of you were correct after all."  
  
"Looks that way doesn't it?" Tom said looking straight ahead of him, and away from B'Elanna's glaring eyes.  
  
B'Elanna had finally had enough of his attitude. Grabbing a hold of his shirt, she slammed him against the back wall of the turbolift, causing the back of his head to crack off of the wall; B'Elanna did not seem to notice. "I can not believe I was stupid enough to believe that you could change, and that I could call you a friend. Paris, I really do not care if you destroy your own life, but if you would stop to think about what you are doing to Harry," B'Elanna told him.  
  
"And just what might that be? You think that I am a bad influence on him. You are probably right, but Harry is capable of making his own decisions. I tried to tell him before we even met you that he should stay away from me, but he chose to be my friend anyway."  
  
"You are unbelievable. You really don't care do you? The captain should have thrown you in the brig for our entire trip to the Alpha Quadrant. I don't know why she trusted you enough to give you your rank back, let alone let you pilot the ship. Was it because you slept with her Tom?" B'Elanna watched Tom's expression. He was about to argue with her but she cut him off. "Is that how an ex-con, lying, good for nothing man gets his rank back?"  
  
"Sorry to disappoint you," Tom said, "but I didn't sleep with her. If you really want to know Lieutenant, I have not had sex since I came aboard Voyager, actually since I was in the Maquis. And as for why the captain gave me my rank back, I am afraid you'll have to discuss that with her. Now if you wouldn't mind letting me go and ordering the computer to resume, I have things to do, and as you said before, you're running late."  
  
"Computer, resume," B'Elanna said glaring at Tom. "Paris, you just stay away from me and especially Harry, you understand me?" she asked, clenching her fists tighter on the fabric of his shirt.  
  
"Yeah," Tom said, and B'Elanna released her hold of him as the turbolift door slid open on deck four. As Tom stepped out of the turbolift, he turned to B'Elanna and said, "goodbye, B'Elanna," before the doors closed again in between them.  
  
B'Elanna stared at the closed doors, as the lift began its ascent to deck two, wondering what he had meant. She had not expected him to listen to her warning to stay away from her and Harry. When B'Elanna entered the messhall, she only had time to grab a quick cup of coffee and head back to the turbolift to go to engineering for her shift.  
  
*** * *** * *** * ***  
  
As B'Elanna began to busy herself in the engine room, she could not get the look of sadness that she had saw on Tom's face when he had told her goodbye out of her mind. She thought that maybe she was a little hard on him, and thought she would apologize to him after her shift was over.  
  
"Lieutenant Torres," Lieutenant Nicoletti said, "A briefing with Neelix, is about to come on. I heard that it is supposed to be an important announcement."  
  
B'Elanna could not imagine what Neelix would think was important enough to interrupt her engineering staff, but she didn't think that it would hurt to allow them a couple of minutes to watch it. After all, if it turned out to be something unimportant she could order them back to work. "Put it on," B'Elanna sighed.  
  
B'Elanna watched, as the face of Neelix appeared on various view screens throughout Engineering. "Good morning, Voyager. I want to tell you about a friend of mine. I first met this man almost a year ago and, to tell you the truth, I didn't like him much. He seemed a little too cocky, a little too sure of himself. A lot of people had questions about him. He'd proven he'd pretty much sell himself out to the highest bidder, go wherever the wind blew him so people wondered, could you trust this person when things got tough? Would he stand side by side with you or would he let you down when you needed him most? But the fact of the matter is he proved himself right from the beginning. I wouldn't be alive right now if it weren't for him and the same goes for many of you. It took me a while to realize it. Like a lot of people, I was too caught in first impressions to see the truth that was right in front of me. I overlooked his bravery because I was focusing on his brashness. I  
ignored his courage because I saw it as arrogance and I resented his friendliness because I mistook it for licentiousness. So while this man was giving us his best every minute of every day I was busy judging him. And now he's leaving." B'Elanna felt her stomachs tightening into knots as she realized now why Tom had said goodbye. "I'm proud to say that in spite of my narrow-mindedness Thomas Eugene Paris became my friend. I'm going to miss him. No more laughs over a game of pool. No more sitting up into the wee hours swapping stories. No more complaints about my cooking," Neelix chuckled. "Goodbye, Tom. I think I speak for more of us than you might imagine when I say you're going to leave an empty space when you go. I hope you find what you're looking for."  
  
B'Elanna could not believe what she had just heard, why would Tom leave? How could he leave everything that he had worked so hard for behind? Then she remembered his behavior over the past couple of months, and realized that the only one on the ship who did not get on Tom's case about his behavior was probably Harry. And she suddenly felt very guilty for the way that she had treated him, earlier in the turbolift.  
  
The only sound in Engineering was the sound of the engines, and a few whispered comments. Taking a deep breath, B'Elanna pushed her feelings aside and instructed her crew to get back to work.  
  
*** * *** * *** * ***  
  
The briefing room was eerily quiet as the senior staff sat gathered around the table, waiting for Captain Janeway to begin the meeting. B'Elanna had been avoiding Harry all day. She knew that if she had not said to Tom what she did in the turbolift, that someone would have been able to talk Tom out of leaving. She could not face Harry, because, it was her fault that Tom left.  
  
Most of the meeting was a blur to her. The captain commented about Neelix doing a good job with the tribute to Tom, and then Chakotay had asked about a replacement for Tom. B'Elanna had to hold her breath to keep the anger at bay. He was not even gone 24 hours yet. But then Harry had suggested that they wait to pick his replacement, hoping that Tom would change his mind and want to come back. The captain told him that Tom was adamant about leaving and she obviously would not wait to replace him. B'Elanna knew that he would not change his mind after what she had said to him. When Jonas contacted her to tell her about a problem in Engineering with the magnetic constrictors losing alignment, B'Elanna was glad to get out of the briefing room. She was equally glad that the malfunction kept her busy in Engineering, and kept her mind off of Tom Paris, at least partially.  
  
*** * *** * *** * ***  
  
B'Elanna stood on the bridge, as Neelix told them of a nearby planet that had the minerals that they would need to fix the warp coils, called Hemikek IV. Suddenly Harry reported that the Talaxian convoy was hailing them. B'Elanna felt a slight skip in her heart after she realized that was where Tom had gone. Perhaps he had changed his mind after all and wanted to come back. Then she could apologize to him for all the things she said to him. But as soon as she saw the state of the ship that the Talaxian was hailing them from her hopes were immediately dashed.  
  
"Captain Janeway," the Talaxian said.  
  
"What's happened?" Janeway asked.  
  
"We were attacked by the Kazon-Nistrim."  
  
"Do you have casualties? How can we help?"  
  
"We don't have serious casualties and they didn't take any of our cargo, the one thing that they were interested in was your former crewman Thomas Paris. They took him aboard their ship and then left. I thought you would like to know."  
  
B'Elanna felt like someone had punched her in her stomachs. She knew that most likely the Kazon would try to convince Tom to give them information about Voyager. She also knew that despite whatever his reasons for wanting to leave Voyager that Tom would refuse to help Seska and the Kazon, and that the Kazon would most likely hurt him to try to convince him to give them information. They had to find him, and help him before the Kazon kill him.  
  
*** * *** * *** * ***  
  
B'Elanna, Harry, Tuvok, and Chakotay transported on board the Kazon ship; their weapons in hand and ready for anything. "So far so good," B'Elanna thought as she began to scan the area for human life signs other than Harry and Chakotay. When she finally located the life signs she was looking for, B'Elanna quickly headed down the corridor in the direction that the Tricorder had indicated.  
  
They had reached the area without running into any Kazon. B'Elanna hoped that they had not detected their presence yet, but did not think that would happen. B'Elanna held out her phaser as they reached the room where Seska and the Kazon were holding Tom. B'Elanna quickly opened the door using her engineering expertise. As the door slid open, they all rushed into the room to find, a Kazon standing behind Tom with his arm wrapped around Tom's neck, and a phaser pointed to Tom's head. Seska stood on the other side of Tom smiling at the rescue party.  
  
"Well, well, well," Seska said, "we've been waiting for you, haven't we Tom?" Seska said and looked over at Tom.  
  
B'Elanna noticed that Tom's lip was split open, his eye was black and blue, and he had a gash on the side of his face obviously made by some type of blunt object. Blood stains covered his uniform. B'Elanna felt her Klingon temper rise after seeing what they had done to him. He just wanted to be on his own, away from Starfleet, he did not deserve to be beaten so brutally, no matter how poorly he had acted recently.  
  
Suddenly Tom elbowed the Kazon that was holding him captive, and tried to take the weapon from him. B'Elanna was unable to move, as she watched in horror as the weapon fired, hitting Tom at close range in the chest . . .  
  
B'Elanna Torres bolted up in her bed, jolted out of her dream. She looked around the room, to make certain that she was indeed in her quarters, and that it had not really happened, that Tom was not dead. B'Elanna closed her eyes and suddenly she could remember the day that Tom had died after the warp 10 flight. She had gone to sickbay after hearing the captain's announcement that he had died. She had to see for herself that it was true and was not a cruel joke. After looking at his lifeless body lying on the surgical bed in sickbay, she wished that he had been playing a joke on her.  
  
Tom's body had already begun to turn a pale shade of blue. B'Elanna had gently kissed his blue tinged lips. She had immediately left sickbay afterwards, and cried herself to sleep for the first time in probably more than ten years. She remembered Tom's comment as he lay, dying on the surgical bed, about not trusting people who do not cry. Seeing his lifeless body was one of her worst experiences. She had not even told Tom or Harry that she had gone to see him after he died. The doctor had seemed to understand her need to see him for herself. B'Elanna still was not sure why his death had affected her so strongly. She had lost friends before in the Maquis, but they had never had such a strong affect. B'Elanna closed her eyes as the memory of her angry words she had said to him before he left Voyager, came back to her. She tried to will herself to forget the hurt expression she had seen on his face after he had turned to look at her after stepping off of the turbolift before he  
said goodbye to her.  
  
She suddenly realized that he had probably wanted to say goodbye to her when she first entered the turbolift. He might have been hoping that she would try to convince him to stay, but instead she had made it easier for him to leave. She had taken her frustrations over the dreams out on Tom, and now he was gone. If they rescue him from the Kazon, he will probably just leave Voyager again.  
  
B'Elanna had felt a connection to him ever since he had rescued her and Harry from the underground Ocampan tunnels, although she at first tried to hide it. She wanted to hate him the way that Chakotay, and most of the other Maquis crew had, but he kept doing things to prove that he was not the person that the crew thought he was. And then in the Vidiian mines, she found that she could not hate him, and resolved herself to the fact that she could be his friend.  
  
During the first couple of months in the Delta Quadrant, B'Elanna had suspected that there was a lot more to Tom Paris than the rumors claimed, so she had begun to watch him. She would watch him flirt with nearly every female on the ship, but she soon realized that his constant flirting was only an act that he used in public. She watched him leave Sandrine's every night with a different girl to walk back to their quarters, but each night he had returned a few minutes later alone. By then, Harry would have left already assuming, that Tom was "busy". B'Elanna had either sat at a dark corner table at the back of the holographic bar, or with a few remaining Maquis friends and watched as he sat at the bar alone. She soon realized that he was a different person after the crowds were all but gone. After their time together in the Vidiian mines, B'Elanna stopped watching him and finally allowed her self to become his friend. But when he had needed a friend the most, she had pushed  
him away, and now it was too late.  
  
B'Elanna quickly got up and got ready for another night shift in engineering. She knew that she had to keep herself busy, so she did not think about Tom as much.  
  
*** * *** * ***  
  
B'Elanna worked at a console in the computer core. She knew that Voyager would reach Hemikek IV, and she wanted to have everything ready to rebuild the warp coils when they got the materials that they needed. The sooner that they had the coils rebuilt, the sooner they could attempt to rescue Tom.  
  
B'Elanna didn't believe Neelix' claims that Tom had been a Kazon spy. There was just no logical reason for Tom to give information to the Kazon, even if he really did not want to be a part of Voyager anymore. And to give the information to Seska, someone who had hated him even in the Maquis according to Chakotay, it just did not make sense.  
  
But all of the evidence according to the report the Talaxian gave on "A Briefing With Neelix" pointed to Tom being the spy. "Could he have really been the spy?" B'Elanna wondered. Could Seska's hatred of him have been an act, so that no one would suspect they were collaborating? Maybe the captain had found out and told Tom to leave the ship, deciding that it would be better if it appeared as if it was his idea to leave the ship.  
  
"Lieutenant," a voice interrupted her thoughts. B'Elanna looked up to see Lieutenant Hargrove, standing in front of her. "Here are the electrodynamic load specs you asked for."  
  
"Thank you," B'Elanna said taking the padd from him. She immediately looked over the padd and then punched a couple of buttons on the console. "Does Jonas have everything under control in Engineering?"  
  
"Yes, he's just trying to keep Neelix out of the way," Hargrove told her.  
  
"Neelix, is in engineering again," B'Elanna said.  
  
"Yeah, he said that he was wrong, and that someone had tried to make it look like Paris was the spy."  
  
"Hargrove, keep an eye on the readings on this console for me; I noticed some strange fluctuations, and I want to check something out," B'Elanna said as she crawled underneath the console. B'Elanna had felt relieved that Neelix, was wrong, but they still needed to have everything ready when they get the materials from Hemikek IV, so they could help Tom.  
  
"Lieutenant, there was a slight fluctuation, but it seemed to correct itself," Hargrove said.  
  
"Damn," B'Elanna cursed as she felt the pain of piece of metal slice her hand. She immediately crawled back out from under the console, and looked at her hand. The cut was deep; her hand was already covered in blood.  
  
"Are you ok?" Hargrove asked, as he knelt down beside her, and took a closer look at her injured hand.  
  
"Yeah I'm fine," B'Elanna, said.  
  
"That is deep, you better go to sickbay," Hargrove suggested. B'Elanna was about to argue with him, and tell him that she could still work, but she knew that it would not do anyone any good to get blood all over the consoles, it would only slow down their work. "Don't worry, I'll take over here, until you get back."  
  
"Thanks Lieutenant," B'Elanna said. Hargrove helped her to stand, and then stood at the console, B'Elanna had been working at.  
  
A few minutes later B'Elanna stepped off of the turbolift on deck five. She wished that Kes would be on duty, now so she did not have to deal with the holographic doctor. She did not want to listen to the doctor's lecture about being more careful.  
  
B'Elanna was surprised to find Kes waving a dermal regenerator over Neelix' head, when she entered sickbay. Then she noticed him, Tom was laying on a biobed unconscious, as the doctor administered a hypospray.  
  
" . . . fell into the plasma stream. I got weapons back online, before Lieutenant Tuvok suggested that I come here, to get the lump on my head taken care of," Neelix said.  
  
"B'Elanna," Kes said, "what happened?"  
  
"I cut my hand. Is Tom alright?"  
  
"Yes, he will be fine. He has a concussion. The doctor is going to let him rest a couple of hours before he wakes him."  
  
"What happened?" B'Elanna asked.  
  
Neelix explained to B'Elanna what had happened when he was in engineering, while Kes used the dermal regenerator on B'Elanna's hand.  
  
"Wait a minute," B'Elanna interrupted his story. "Are you telling me that the way that Tom was acting was just an act to find out who was the spy?"  
  
"Yes, Chakotay didn't even know about it, so that Tom would be able to give a better performance," Neelix said.  
  
"I'm glad that he didn't really leave us," Kes said.  
  
"I'm just glad that we got him back. I was afraid that Tom wouldn't make it, because Jonas was disabling the weapons instead of working on the transporters," Neelix said, "and I hope that he can forgive me for thinking that he could have been the spy."  
  
"Neelix, Tom will understand that someone had planted the evidence to look like he was guilty," Kes assured him.  
  
"I'll have to make it up to him," Neelix said, "I'll interview him on tomorrow's Briefing with Neelix, and let the crew know that he is a hero."  
  
"That'll be nice," Kes said as she finished regenerating B'Elanna's hand.  
  
"If you three are finished," the doctor said, "you can leave, so my patient can rest. My scans show that he hasn't had more than a couple of hours sleep in over a week."  
  
*** * *** * ***  
  
The following morning after finishing her shift in engineering, B'Elanna stopped by Tom's quarters before going to her quarters. After hearing Tom say "come in," B'Elanna entered his quarters.  
  
"B'Elanna," Tom said, he looked surprised to see her.  
  
"Tom, are you ok? I was in sickbay last night while you were unconscious."  
  
"Yeah, Doc said that it was just another concussion, nothing to worry about," Tom said as he pulled the zipper up on his uniform jacket.  
  
"I mean did the Kazon, hurt you Tom?" B'Elanna asked looking down at the floor.  
  
"No. After they figured out that they could not trust me, I got away from them, and took one of their shuttles. I'm fine really," Tom assured her.  
  
"Tom, I'm sorry about how I treated you in the turbolift before you left. I did not mean what I said to you. I'm glad that you made it back."  
  
"Don't worry about it," Tom said and sat down on his couch to put his boots on, "I knew when I agreed to help the captain, that I would have to make enemies, of everyone on Voyager that had finally begun to trust me again. Actually, what you said to me helped. I do not know if I would have been able to leave, if anyone else tried to stop me. I felt like I was hurting Neelix, Kes, and Harry by leaving. I hated not being able to tell anyone what was going on. I am just glad it is over."  
  
"Me to," B'Elanna said.  
  
"You going to the messhall?" Tom asked, and stood up after finishing pulling on his boots.  
  
"No," B'Elanna said, "I just finished working in the computer core, I'm going to bed. Will I see you later for lunch?"  
  
"Yeah," he smiled.  
  
B'Elanna smiled too, she then walked up to him and kissed him gently on his cheek, before turning towards the door to his quarters. After the doors slid open, she turned around and said, "goodbye Tom," and then walked out of his quarters.  
  
After the doors slid shut behind her, B'Elanna leaned against the wall of the corridor, and said, "I'll see you in my dreams," before she continued down the hall to the turbolift.  
  
The end.  
  
References  
  
1. mailto:thejourneyhome@msn.com  
2. http://www.geocities.com/pt_stv/index.html 


End file.
